Welcome to the EnviroMom Inn! We hope you enjoy your stay...

When my mom comes to visit, her requests are few: white wine and lots of it. So that's why I bought this box of wine, that I would not otherwise have gotten. I scanned the box at the store, and read the many green marketing claims. It said far more about the enviro friendly aspects of the packaging than the wine, which can be risky, but thankfully, my mom is not a connoisseur. It is pretty amazing that this small box contains the same volume as three regular bottles of wine.

But back to visitors. I don't know about you. Things have changed a lot in the past few years in our house. My mom is our most regular visitor, and luckily, she's pretty adaptable to all our green quirks. I try not to impose our enviro-freakish ways on guests as a general rule, but with the kids, it's sometimes hard to take a pass. The kids are quick to tactlessly point out if someone is wasting water while they are brushing their teeth. I appreciated that my mom asked if there was any laundry we needed done before starting a load with her travel clothes, thus ensuring a full load. But then I bit my tongue when she threw the wash in the dryer on a flawlessly sunny day.

Of course, we could never be an Inn. Or a B&B or even a lowly motel, unless they started giving out negative star ratings. But if they did, here's what the guest book at this EnviroMom Inn might say:

• Don't throw anything into the garbage unless you have consulted with the on-duty Master Recycler first, as the EnviroMom Inn goes to great lengths to reuse and/or recycle EVERYTHING!
• Please limit toilet flushing (i.e., if it's yellow... etc. and so forth)
• Please limit hot showers to 5 minutes per day. A timer can be placed in your shower, for your convenience.
• Do not bring any food items into the house that contain excessive or difficult to recycle packaging, especially rigid plastics and styrofoam.
• Please do not throw any compostable organics into the kitchen garbage. Most items go into the compost pail, and the really good stuff should be saved for the chickens next door.
• If you see the chickens stealing our strawberries or scratching in the vegetable garden, please blast them with the water squirter placed near the front door.
• We hope the room temperature is comfortable. If too cold, please wear a sweater (see the management if you need to borrow a house sweater). If too hot, please step into our 'basement lounge.'
• Should you need to blow your nose, reuseable handkerchiefs are provided for your convenience. Please place in the hamper after using, and not the garbage. If you prefer to dispose of your nose goblins, please partake of the toilet paper. And be grateful we provide that!
• Please do not run the dishwasher unless there is a full load, and make sure dishes are well scraped as our no-phosphate detergent needs all the help it can get.
• Check-out time is negotiable, but please do not strip your bed of the sheets or start a load of laundry, as we like to wait until we have a sunny day and a full load.

We started talking about this joke 'guest rule book' with the kids at the dinner table one night, and they were in stitches. Honestly. We would never ask our guests to do these things. But if they want to take it on voluntarily (as my mom usually does -- love ya mom!), then it's all good.

How do your green living efforts impact the hospitality you offer to out-of-town guests? The funnier the better people...  Please share!