New: disposable hand towels. Next up: disposable underpants

Nooooooooooooooo...

 
  
So it's come to this. Kleenex Disposable Hand Towels: the ultimate in germ paranoia. Our dear friends at Kleenex want you to think that you NEED protection from nasty cloth towels that, heck!, everyone in your family uses. Shudder. Think about it: you've all dried your CLEAN HANDS on the SAME TOWEL. What are you, savages?

Here's their pitch:

People in the U.S. dry their hands on cloth bathroom towels approximately 200 billion times a year. The CDC guidelines for hand washing recommends hand drying with a single-use towel. Families have not had a practical alternative to traditional cloth hand towels in their home bathrooms… until now.

I...there's so much...I mean...when did...what?

I hopped on over to the CDC Web site, and lo and behold, as part of their 'Clean Hands Save Lives!' campaign (inspired by H1N1) they do, in broad, generalized terms, recommend drying your hands with a paper towel or air dryer to prevent spreading germs. In public settings, yes, of course this makes sense. However, no where does the CDC actually caution you to avoid evil cloth towels in your own home. Puh-lease. I was happy to discover that the Good Green Witch (equally pissed) actually contacted the CDC about this Kleenex claim and was called back by a real live CDC doctor, who indicated there were no CDC guidelines for home hand drying and would investigate further. Good for you Green Witch!

This is just another mind game developed by a big old corporation who wants to cash in on all the germ fears created by big old corporations -- antibacterial soap, disposable cleaning wipes, yadda. In doing so they are destroying our environment with tree-killing, greenhouse gas emission-spewing, landfill-populating disinfecting products (that actually make germs stronger) that generate the 'need' for more inane products. I'm telling you, don't be surprised when Pampers starts pimping disposable underpants for your potty-trained kids (and adults!) because what could be more germy than underpants? Old-fashioned laundering is simply too primitive and cannot possibly eliminate the germs that lurk on every item we touch, particularly those skid-mark-ridden Hello Kitty size fives.

Boo.