When did kids forget how to play?

Photo by my (then) 5-year old

I miss our old playroom. Back in Portland we had a big space in our house dedicated to play, and that's where you would mostly find my kids: building, creating, zooming, imagining and making mayhem. It was perfect. Here, in this small rental home that we'll be living in for another few months, there is no playspace beyond their bedrooms, and they are feeling frustrated. (It's hard to race matchbox cars over wall-to-wall carpet.) It's not that our kids have oodles of toys that we need the space, it's just that they need the space to play the way they like to play: setting up a restaurant or a school room or a vet clinic; building a huge city out of blocks and train tracks and Littlest Pet Shops (and leaving it up for days); running, jumping, dancing, putting on a variety act. We're trying to adjust, and we grown-ups are trying to be more tolerant of play in our small living room. But. I find it's sometimes easier to give in to screen time when the kids come to me, frustrated with the limitations of this house. 

(Though now that I think about it, they are actually spending more time outside in this big, flat yard. It's cold here, but it's dry, and the snow is fun. Ah, the silver lining.)

I recently read an excellent, albeit disturbing article in the NY Times about a 'movement to restore play' at home and school. (I suspect these 'movements' are often manufactured by the media, but this article is still worth a read.) The article gives examples of parents who want perfect mess-free homes, or don't want the noise that comes with play, so they encourage screen-based activities to maintain order and sanity. So now you've got all of these kids who don't know how to entertain themselves. Over the years we've had playdates with kids who don't know how to play, and they are challenging and seldom repeated. Everything is 'boring' and no one is happy and then I end up having to provide the entertainment. It's sad.

Some schools aren't helping matters, either. I'm always shocked when I read about elementary schools that have abolished recess. The article talks about one mom who tried to bring it back to her school, but was denied by both officials and other parents. They didn't want to deal with unruliness or potential liability or take time away from maintaining high test scores. Our new school (like our old one) has three recesses each day (wahoo!) while also managing to be exceptional academically. What gives?

Creative play that is not structured or led by grown-ups helps kids learn how to work together, solve problems, resolve conflicts and stretch their imaginations -- all vital skills that will serve them well as adults. I wish more parents and schools would just let kids be kids.

What do your kids like to play? How have you set up your home for play? Does your school have unstructured recess? 

Halloween candy negotiations

It was like negotiating a nuclear arms treaty. There were trade-offs, back-room deals, glowering looks and, ultimately, money did exchange hands. I find that as my kids get older, it gets harder and harder to lure them away from their candy stash. After all, they pounded the pavement for that candy, and c'mon Mom, it only comes around once a year. Geesh. Yeah, but Halloween is just the beginning of two months of sugar-filled holidays. Let's save ourselves for birthday cake and pumpkin pie and Mexican wedding cakes, please? With ingredients we can pronounce? Plus, when there are 100 Grand bars in the house, I. cannot. resist. 

So it comes down to inventory management. Some parents have had great success with the Switch Witch or the Candy Fairy or whatever your preferred nom de plume may be. Child brings home candy, picks a couple to eat and then the Switch Witch comes that night and swaps candy for a new toy. Done. I haven't tried that method because I'm pretty sure it wouldn't fly. And if Sunday was any indication, they are DEAD SERIOUS about the sanctity of their candy this year.

Like any good diplomat, I resorted to money. To utterly confuse them, I had them separate out their candy into various piles, like, Eh, Pretty Good, Must Have. Then the Must Have pile was separated into more piles! When we got down to about 12 pieces of I WILL DIE IF I DON'T HAVE THIS CANDY I offered to buy the rest for cold hard cash. Some of the favorite candy that didn't make the I WILL DIE pile is going into a 'surplus store' for a month. If they find they must have this candy, then they can buy it from me for $1 a piece. Ha, and they went for it! Suckers.

But it won't really ever come to that. They'll enjoy the candy they got to keep, and then they'll forget about the rest. All of those other aforementioned baked holiday treats will start appearing on our countertop, and before you know it the Smarties and Butterfingers will fade in their memory like yesterday's news. 

And all that extra candy? I'll be dropping it off at a local dentist's office that is collecting candy to send to the troops overseas. How are you managing the candy stash this year?

Spooky reuse crafts: egg carton bats

I'm feeling a little throat-scratchy and low-energy today, so I'm going to keep it short. Mindful Momma tweeted this out, and I can hardly wait to show my kids. Bats made from egg cartons! My son, in particular, loves to craft with egg cartons, and he's going to flip when he sees this. Here's the tutorial (not that you really need one). Go forth and get spooky. I'm going to go gargle some salt water.

October 6, 2010: International Walk + Bike Day rocks!

Weather deities smiled upon Portland for International Walk + Bike to school day. Great turnout. My six-year-old summed it up succinctly: 'Walk day is fun!' Well, except for Heather's son, who accidentally stepped in dog poop.

Why do we walk or bike or board or scoot?

• Green and human powered school trips lessen traffic congestion. Did you know that 20 to 25% of morning traffic is adults driving children to school? Ack!
• It improves air quality. Exhaust from motor vehicles is the largest source of air pollution around schools.
• It contributes to student health. Human powered trips to school on a regular basis reduce obesity rates and lessen the risk for heart disease and depression. Plus it's just darn fun to see all your peeps first thing in the morning.
• It improves academic performance by helping students concentrate and do better in school. Nothing like a little bracing autumn air to wake your mind before that school bell rings.
• It increases student safety. Here's a scary one -- 50% of children hit by cars near schools involve cars driven by parents of other students.

When the kids got to school, there were some tokens to acknowledge their efforts and a poster to sign. Love that!

Cleaning windows with vinegar and newspaper

I don't do windows. And there's a back story.

I love my children more than life itself, but I hate to admit something compels them to smear all mirrors and windows in our house with gooey, slimy grossness. With what, you may ask? Oh, you know. Things like spit, toothpaste, or just their greasy peanut-butter fingers. Or, if they have nothing really smear-making like that, they'll just flick the windows with water, like a baptism. Despite all this, I really do love them. And as much as I sometimes want to tan their hides, I usually just count to 10 and remind myself that Martha Stewart is never coming over and what's it really matter? Hopefully, some day, they will outgrown this annoying compulsion. (Don't let that innocent looking baby face fool you. She is a window and mirror slimer of international repute.).

Yet sometimes, just sometimes, I wish my windows and mirrors were cleaner. Or that, if I did clean them, they would stay clean for longer than 10 seconds (that's when their smear compulsion usually kicks in. The slime creatures are always lurking…) Truth be told, I really don't know how to clean windows well. I grew up with a mom who was fanatic about Windex. Yes, I know! That dreaded blue stuff. Oh, and wads of paper towels! Since I've drunk the green Kool-aid, I've always meant to improve and detoxify the way I did windows. Heather talks about white vinegar and newspaper. And that just doesn't compute for me. Wouldn't your fingers get all black from the newspaper ink? I always mean to ask her about this, but somehow it's never been discussed. And then, when you're done, do you recycle the newspaper, or are they considered food-soiled and need to be composted?

Anyhoo… Would love to hear from you on best window cleaning practices. Until I hear back, I'll keep busy by counting to 10 and just wishing my windows were cleaner.

I want to live in a Playborhood

The other night we walked the kids down the road to a neighbor's house and played 3 on 3 basketball in the street. Yesterday some friends and their kids walked by our house and a spontaneous playdate / Kung Fu demo erupted in our driveway. I want more, more, more of this and I know other families in our neighborhood want it, too. More kids on bikes and scooters in the street. More baseball games in the backyard. I want to hear the voices of neighborhood children whooping it up as they chase each other around the yard with squirt guns. I've just stumbled onto a Web site that encourages this kind of behavior: Playborhood. It's inspiring, it's encouraging, it's the neighborhood I want for my kids. And check out this article about a neighborhood summer camp (inspired by Playborhood) that is just so freakin' cool! C'mon summer, bring out the kids!

Building local community through parenting discussion groups

I don't have a parenting roadmap. For the most part I've just tried my hardest to role model and make sure my kids know they are loved and supported. But the tween and teen years are not too far down the road, and I know that stuff starts to change for these innocent young 'uns. Media influences, peers, hormones, school pressure, dating -- all this messy stuff that makes me long for a stunted-growth machine that can freeze their ages at 5 and 8 for a few more years. Thankfully, I think I've found a way to make the aging process less scary: a locally-based, self-directed parenting discussion group.

Maybe there are lots of these around the country, but here in my neck of the woods these groups are ramping up in popularity. I've just started meeting with a boys parenting discussion group, and I'm already hooked and feeling very excited about future meetings. Here's how it works:

You find 10-12 parents of boys (or girls) from your community who want to be in the discussion group. You decide how often to meet (once a month in our case) and where to meet (preferably out of hearing range of children), like in a church or library meeting room. Each parent has purchased a discussion guide and they read one chapter, which is discussed at the next meeting. The discussion guide we're using (don't be turned off by the infomercial feel of this Web site; the guides are quite good) was compiled by a local parenting coach and is chock full of articles by parenting experts and includes questions/exercises for the group to discuss. Each chapter covers a specific theme, like media, personal development, safety, etc. We talk about our own personal challenges and learn about how other parents are dealing with various issues and provide support for one another. We also take an 'oath' of confidentiality.

What I love about this self-directed model is that you are pulling from your immediate community and working together with parents who likely have similar values. (You can also hand-pick who to invite.) Two of my neighbors are in this group, as well as parents from our school and friends of friends. These are people I'll see on walks, at the grocery store, at school -- people who will be in my life in some capacity for many years to come. We meet in a location that is close and convenient and conducive to car-pooling, at a time that works for all. We'll be building a small network of local support over the course of year, which is how long our boys group will meet, and (hopefully) developing tools to help us raise healthy, happy boys. Hooray!

Have you participated in something similar? Are these groups gaining popularity in your community? The guide we're using (which is best for parents of elementary and middle school-aged kids) is not regionally-focused, so anyone from anywhere could use it. Start your own!

National conversation on chemicals coming to a city near you; plus CNN's Toxic America

This seems pretty huge: two government agencies that deal with disease and toxic substances are launching a two-year plan to gather info from the public about chemical exposure concerns. Chemicals in household products, our water systems, the air we breathe, pharmaceuticals, hazardous waste, industry -- how are these affecting our quality of life? The Centers for Disease Control and the Agency for Toxic Substances & Disease Registry are conducting 'conversations' on chemical exposure in communities throughout the country. They want citizen input. They want to hear about concerns and issues that are impacting YOUR life. This is a chance to voice your concerns and push for an overhaul of chemical regulation.

Here in Oregon, the Oregon Environmental Council is hosting five conversations in June:

Salem: Wednesday, June 2, 7:00 pm- 8:30 pm
Straub Environmental Learning Center, 1320 A Street NE
Contact: reneep@oeconline.org for more information

Eugene: Monday, June 7, 6:15 pm-7:45 pm
Eugene Public Library Tykeson Room
Contact larkin@oregontoxics.org for more information
 
Hood River: Thursday, June 10, 5:00 pm - 7:00 pm
Hood River County Museum,300 E Port Marina Drive
Contact maye@oregonpsr.org for more information

Gresham: Sunday, June 13, 12:30 pm-2:30 pm
Gresham Library, 385 Northwest Miller Avenue
Contact reneep@oeconline.org for more information

Astoria: Sunday, June 20th, 5:30 pm - 7:00 pm
Blue Scorcher Bakery Café, 1493 Duane Street
Contact maye@oregonpsr.org for more information

There doesn't seem to be a 'master calendar' that lists community conversations in other states, which isn't helpful to our many out-of-state readers. But you could email the CDC at nationalconversation@cdc.gov and see if they can help you find one. Or if you're really motivated, you can download their conversation toolkit and organize a forum in your own community.

In what seems to be a timely coincidence, CNN correspondent Dr. Sanjay Gupta is hosting a program called Toxic America on June 2 and 3 at 8pm. He'll be focusing on the health and environmental effect of toxins found in plastics. The June 2nd show focuses on a town in Louisiana that has been experiencing problems related to toxic chemical plants for decades. The June 3rd show will be focused on childhood, particularly expectant mothers and their babies, and will feature a woman who's lived plastic-free for over two years. I don't have cable, so I'm hoping this will end up online!

Have a fun, safe, long weekend, and we'll see you back here on Tuesday!

Screen-free week: free-ranging the kids and making a list of alternatives

Participating in Screen-Free Week now is not nearly as daunting as it was the first time three years ago. We've gotten a grip on our screen time, and my kids will tell you that too much TV can turn your mind and your body to mush. (Brainwashing, anyone?) During these warmer, lighter days requests for screen time are less frequent than during the dark winter months. And thanks to the book Free-Range Kids and my own loosening up, a bigger world has opened up to them that is far more interesting than anything Ruff Ruffman could concoct (though, I must confess, I do like his show).

One of the biggest free-range changes we've made? They get to play in the street. Yes, folks, we've taken back our residential street and will not be intimidated by motorists BECAUSE THEY CAN FIND A NEW SHORTCUT TO TAKE. Obviously there are rules that we've gone over and over, and I sat outside and monitored their behavior the first couple of weeks we tried this out. But my confidence in them has bolstered their own confidence and independence, and they are careful. They watch out for each other. "Car!" As a bonus, my 2nd grader now gets to walk about 1/3 of a mile by herself to visit a couple of friends in the neighborhood -- huge.

I asked my kids to come up with a list of things they'd rather** do than watch television/play Wii/play on the computer:

ride bikes, scooter and skateboard in the driveway and street - throw paper airplanes - play catch with the baseball - pretend battle games - catch (and release) garden snakes - play with the neighbors - make mud soup - build a fort - play Little House in the Big Woods - sandbox - shoot hoops - draw and paint - read - listen to music - dance and sing - play Uno - play Bakugon/Pokemon/Magic - build giant train tracks - write books - puzzles - take pictures - dress up like superheroes - build Star Wars galaxy out of blocks and Legos - play babies - build inventions - play with horses - build cities - play house - build a house - hide & seek - play restaurant - watch the birds - build robots - make an elf workshop - take a nap (really?) - play Legos - climb trees - walk to the park/library/school (with an adult) - bake muffins with mom - play with stuffed animals - make shadow puppets - help make dinner - tell knock-knock jokes

And do you know what I'm going to do with this list? (Wah, ha ha.) The next time they whine about 'being bored' I'm going to hand them this list and say, "But look at all of your exciting options! Pick one!" Brilliant, yes?

** Do I believe they'd rather do those things than watch screen? Not entirely. Screen is pretty seductive. But when they have so many options that they've created for themselves (not to mention the ones they haven't even dreamed up yet!), screen is not always in the forefront of their minds...minds that are probably (hopefully) not turning to mush. 

Finding childcare that supports your green choices

A green-minded friend just had her first baby: a home-birth, mom, dad and babe are all doing swell -- lack of sleep, that crazy joyful adrenalin high, adoring new grandparents -- you know the drill. They've chosen breastfeeding and cloth diapers. Now the trick is to find a daycare when the mom goes back to work that wouldn't laugh her out of town when asked to support those green choices. Here's her dilemma:

we're not sure a nanny makes sense financially and a daycare facility just isn't great for an infant (think put in a bouncy seat in the corner) not to mention they're expensive, so we're thinking a small group in home daycare makes the most sense. they are affordable, about half the cost of daycare, and i like the child:adult ratio. the trick with these of course is finding the right person in the right location. we're ideally looking for one that is willing to do cloth diapers, supports breastfeeding by giving pumped breastmilk and preferably incorporates green activities, education, and outdoor adventures into their daily routine, not to mention good, wholesome food.

So, how did you find daycare for your infant or older children that was affordable and in-line with the green choices you've chosen in raising your child? I did suggest that my friend check out the Eco-Healthy Childcare Directory as a jumping off point.